liebestodjay

Finally, development. I fear that my other blog would reveal to people some things I dare not say. So I wrote here instead. The alter-ego blog. Hmm... Ang sarap sarap. Ang saya saya. Kahit mahirap. I guess I just need this now... I want to be left alone with this for a moment...

Finally, I'm smiling for real.

Petron workers annoy me. Shell is better, definitely. I've been waiting for people to put some air on my tires. But no. I had to get out of the car and do it myself. The last tire gave me troubles but no one helped me. Mga kupal ang leche!

I have to finish a book by the end of the week. I started reading it, then I fell I asleep. Hypersomnia? I'm not sure. But I'm not as engaged to it as I should be. So there.

I chose to write here today because I don't want the blog to die I guess. Whatever. I don't really care. It's the only blog that asks my mood. And I'd have to select from the list that encapsulates the complexity of my now. For some reason, it's simpler. But it's not all-encompassing.

I think I have made progress in not caring about a certain thing I used to care about. But not through hate... Hate hurts. And it's crazy. My work is overriding everything, I guess. I'm not sure.

There will be a script reading tomorrow. And I'll be coming home at night AGAIN. I didn't have any idea it would start this week. But it did. Good luck sa mundo.

My body will do what it does this week. It will hurt me by being naturally kupal once a month. Perfect fucking timing...

Pills are the way. This leaves me with a little bit of optimism.

I'm tired. I'll get back to work.

My head feels like a balloon about to burst. It's red and it's going to pop at any moment. Exams and papers have flooded my bloodstream. And it is not good. This is the first time that I really felt this abused by school work. I just screwed up my last test. Came home, wanted to get a needle and poke my eyes with it.  So my head will pop. And I will die. And there will be no more school work. Ibang level na toh e.

Tomorrow would be the last day of work. Well, I tend to screw up oral exams. For some reason, oral exam gods hate my guts, they always take over my hands so I can pic the topic I least know about, and they make me stammer and displaced and confused and and and... and...

I'm gone. Haircut.

I... need... to... release.....

I'm just doing my philo paper. Friday night, alone at home again. Hmmm. I decided not to go to the party cause I'll be getting up at 7am tomorrow to study again. And a paper is due tomorrow. Has to be written in tagalog - the reason why it's taking me a while to conceptualize the damn thing.
Good thing Cels and Nica went with me to eat some pig guts (isaw) today. I just really needed it, I guess. To de-stress and get fat, of course. Si Nica, kung ano-anong inuutos. Rar ka. At least pina-isaw ako. Haha.

LSS nanaman!

"I've been crying for so long, fighting tears just to carry on. But now, but now, it's gone away..."

LOVE LOVE ME.

Haha. Bangag nanaman.

The sexual is political article I'm writing is a real challenge. Crud. I fear I can't do justice to Bobby. But I'll try anyway. Another nostalgic Sunday. I remember things so clearly. And well, it may sound silly but God told me something in church today. I guess it's to let it all in... No person can save me now. Only Him. I'm gonna be in for a long ride. I need to be alone.

(Wise men say only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you...)

My friend created this LJ for me to I don't know what. But yes. It seems fun. I'm still eating my cereals - extended breakfast. Yesterday, optimism died. Now, in this relaxed state, guess I should just roll with the punches... I'm on my way to ABSCBN to shoot more shit. Gotta do what we have to. God is good. He gives me time to settle things in school and my million orgs.

Where do white heads come from? Nasa bahay lang naman ako maghapon kagabi. Kainis. (doing a tribal dance to ward off negativity)... Grunge seems to be the way. So yes, there is nothing else for me to say. Just gotta get out there and be normal Jay, doing normal Jay things again.

+amdg+